Tuesday, August 19, 2014

the cuts at bell

I met Larry Silver and Evelyn Macko through Tom Rivers. i'm glad Rivers introduced me. I learned a lot from them. 

Silver had a stint at CJEZ (now BOOM 97.3) when I was hanging around the studio during the summer of '94. Silver taught me his technique. the importance of words. crafting a sentence to make the most impact. To this day, I use his classic line, "Faster than the government puts money on a bad idea". 

Macko's wittiness, timing, voice, is why she's a household name. The bean counters made a bad move. I really hope Silver and Macko turn up somewhere. The next generation of broadcasters will surly benefit from it.

To read more about the Bell cuts go Here.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

we'll fly again

He taught me to fly and to think happy thoughts. He taught me to go see about a girl. He taught me that laugher will solve everything. He taught me that sometimes, it’s okay to do things differently. He taught me that yelling “Good morning”: at the top of your lungs, can effect someone’s day for the better. He taught me that an alien and a human can co-exist just fine.  He taught me, he taught the world, so much.
"This one is hard" is the constant, I’ve been reading everywhere. It’s hard because it sucks when funny dies. But when it’s the funniest, it’s heartbreaking. Even more heartbreaking is when we find the funniest was the saddest. He taught me that depression can live within the funniest. That depression has different faces. Unfortunately, Depression had a face of Mork, Genie, Peter Pan, Patch Adams, Dr. Know, Alan Parrish. Mrs. Doutfire. 
I really hope he’s funny again. That he has found peace and performing one of his trademark improv stand-up nights for God - making Him laugh.
It might take us a while to get back up there, Robin Williams, but we’ll fly again. Thanks for the wings.
To find help for Depression check out these links:

Friday, July 18, 2014

cross returns to cfny err, edge102

Alan Cross is coming home. It was announced yesterday that Alan Cross will be returning to 102.1 The Edge this fall. "Alan Cross is synonymous with alternative music - he's credible, authentic, and true to the Edge brand", stated Edge General Manager, Dave Farough.. "Having Alan back represents the next phase of the station's evolution - returning to its music-based roots with intelligent conversation". 

Alan's new role will be announced in the Fall. 

On a side note, also posted yesterday on the Corus company site, is a job listing for a new Edge drive-home person. This comes three months after hiring a new one. Just sayin'. 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

believe in the peter pan theory

36 in less than a week. Next Monday. In 6 days. Yes, I’m looking forward to it. I’m starting to say I’m `getting older’. Not Old. Old makes me think I’ll be moving in with Dorothy, Rose, Blanch and Ma.

I’m not ready to spend my Friday nights sitting around the kitchen table eating cheese cake hearing tales of Charlie.

I’m just getting older. Everyone does. That’s life.  Old is more of a mental thing. Old is when you let yourself go and stop caring about living life. I still want to live. I still want to be young. A recent internet survey said I was mentally 20. I feel 20, with 36 year old problems. and a 40 year old life. And a 30 year old hairline. My back feels like a 50 year old man who used to wrestle. Shawn Michaels’, perhaps?

Believe in the Peter Pan theory.

36 on Monday. 4 years away from 40. 14 years away from 50. 24 years away from 60. 64 years till 100. Will I be here, still? Life is too short to think about that. Think about what life is offering you now. Don’t think of the good ol’ days because those days are here. If you remember correctly, the good ol’ days were the days that went by because you were busy thinking of older days than those as the good ol’ days.

Live. Be Young. Don’t think too much. Laugh, Love. Believe. Hurt, Cry, Create. Imagine. Eat. Run. Do Yoga. Do nothing once in a while, and laugh, again. Those are the rules of remaining happy and strong and to live long - As long as your mental age lets you be.

Life = Oyster.

Friday, July 4, 2014

opie and anthony host fired for racially charged tweets

 TMZ is reporting that  Anthony Cumia - one half of the radio duo Opie and Anthony - was fried this morning for an online racial slur he muttered earlier this week.

Word is that  Cumia called an Afro-American woman a "c--- animal" for punching him the face while he took pictures of people in New York City. Cumia then went to Twitter for the intense unleashing.

We don't know if the show will be cancelled or if they'll just replace the radio host. Since he got the news of his dismissal, Cumia tweeted, "We are living in a strange backward world. Where people support the attacker and the victim is the villain"

Opie and Anthony have been a broadcasting team since 1995.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

slasher memories

The jailbird heartthrob is off the market.  Local rag, Toronto Sun is reporting today that big time 90s sex offender, Paul Bernardo is engaged. The bride-to-be is a 30 year old gal from London, Ontario. The gossip says that the bride believes that the man who raped and tortured young beauties,  Kristen French and Leslie Mahaffy, is innocent  She has confessed her love by declaring herself `Paul’s Girl’ with a foot tatt. 
Disturbing, Huh? Damn right. 
I was in high school when the news broke on the horrific stories Bernardo and wife slash lover slash slasher partner, Karla Homolka did to the young starlets.
As a young news nerd, I followed the story closely. Scared to walk alone at night in my safe Richmond Hill hood. Who knew? Maybe the two criminals would travel north to seek a sixteen year old Guyanese guy who wore British Knights and a backwards cap. Better safe then sorry. It was because of this story, I learned about what rape was. And about sex crimes. I lost my innocence learning about the couples dastardly deeds.
What I’ve learned over the years when it comes to news, is that one day, they’re the biggest names in the news. Few months later, they’re forgotten. You need a memory jog to recollect who they did and why they got ink in the daily papers. Some, you’ll never forget. We’ve never forgotten about Bernardo. We haven’t forgiven him for his unforgivable actions. We never will. This story just makes me shiver all over. Hopefully, this 30 year old woman will realize the monster she’s marrying, cover up that foot tattoo and marry someone more suitable. Like, you know. Someone who doesn’t rape and tortures girls.   
God Speed, Bride to be. 

Saturday, June 28, 2014

weekend words

Got up. Words swilling around in my mind. Thoughts. The Baby back ribs from Thursday, the beer, the hike, the mall, the sunshine, being tired, the bus routes, the new land, maze, a whole new province, Friday sleeping in, long weekend, Canada Day, That 70s show, Cleaning, laundry, dishes, lawn work, writing, blogging, finishing tasks, rest, movies, Orange is the new Black, Missing you, Writing letters, Skype, keeping in touch, memories of that morning in 1991. Wrestling stories, wrestling nerds, keeping in touch with innocence, being smart of what’s going on, 2000, morning, not even 9am, almost finished, lazy day, nothing to do, boiling water. I need coffee. 

Thursday, June 5, 2014

spring radio ratings: 'fi still tops

 With the release of the Spring Radio Ratings, we see that not everything changed since the last snowflake melted. With a strong  13.3 share, CHFI continues to be the first choice for local radio. CBC Radio One comes in close with a comfy 10.2. CHUM-FM has just under 100,000 ears with a convincing 9.8 share. Boom comes in at forth with 7.8.  Fifth position belongs to 680 News with 6.3. Staying on AM, Bell's CFRB stays steady tied with sister station, Virgin 99.9 at 5.7. Meanwhile at Corus, AM640 is at 2.0 while 640's brother station, CFNY is just ahead of them staying flat from winter at 2.8. Staying at Corus,  Q does a conservative 4.6 after doing a slight change of format a few months back. . For sports talk, 590 dominates rival Team with a 3.5 share to a modest 1.0.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

rest well, maya angelou

Maya Angelou passed away today. 

As a young writer, Maya was one of those special voices that helped me along the way with my craft. Maya Angelou was that voice that inspired me. She was drastically different from the writers I looked up to and shaped my craft after. She wrote with such passion, intelligence, and strength. While I was reading stories about the civil rights movement and speeches from Martin and Malcolm, Maya was writing poetry about those days that she lived through. That she fought through. While most of my teachings came from broadcasting professionals that taught me to `deliver the news' and to have flair and  pizazz, Maya taught me to write the truth. Write about the world and how I saw it. Write about social change and how we could better the world.  

She did better the world. And the world thanks you.

Rest Well, Maya Angelou. 

Friday, May 23, 2014

pulp: the movie

It's the 20th anniversary of the birth of Britpop. Enter a ton of tributes, nostalgic documentaries and in this case, a movie. This one on the legendary Brit band, Pulp.

Director Florian Habcht from Love Story fame "weaves together the band's personal offerings with dream-like specially staged tableaux featuring ordinary people recruited on the streets of Sheffield," reads the movie's synopsis.  

Thursday, May 22, 2014

cbc cuts could include cbc radio 2

According to the Toronto Star today, the big boys at Canadian Broadcasting Corporation are set for a round of service cuts including making CBC Radio online-only while merging the French and English programming.  The proposal is set to be made in mid-June when the board of directors meet for a two day pow wow in Ottawa.

"This is very serious stuff. Eighty per cent of Canadians like public broadcasting and they're going to be very angry when they hear about this", stated a watchdog group spokesperson Ian Morrison to the Toronto Star. "This is hte result of Prime Minister Stephen Harper's antipathy to public broadcasting. We're going to see it play out in about a month's time and what we're doing today is blowing a whistle".

They also plan on reducing non-commercial morning children's programs, like Arthur and Poko. Other shows that might be canned include Republic of Doyle and Best Laid Plans.

For more swing over to the Star story.

Friday, April 25, 2014

travel and pains

I just turned down the volume of my television so I can concentrate better. It’s early. Coffee by my side, sitting by my living room window, sun glaring in. My mind is awake now. 
Been a busy last few days. Last week, went on a short adventure to Windsor for Easter Weekend to visit Dad who was staying at the Casino. While there, I headed over to Michigan to visit family and friends in Michigan. I experienced new spots in Michigan, drank, dug for records, egg hunted, ran, swam, slept. It was an epic few days that I’m very thankful for. 
When the first instinct is to say No to an impromptu road trip, change it up sometimes and say Yes. You might be surprised on how much fun you have.
Got back Sunday night. Felt fine. Tired, but well. Watched some TV and crashed. Woke up Monday and did the regular drill. Coffee, Breakfast, Juice, then I started to feel sick. Real sick. I thought I just need a bit more rest. Went back to bed for a couple more hours. Woke up and knew I was going to get sick. My breakfast came back up. Twice. Spent the rest of the day in bed. 
Rinse, Wash, Repeat till Thursday. Today, I’m fine. The first day of the week where I haven’t second thought my morning intake. I don’t know what that bug was. Maybe it was just that. A bug. But it was terrible. Maybe it was just my body telling me I needed more rest and punishing me for what I did to it while in Michigan. Who knows. It’s done.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

damn, kurt.

It was afternoon. I was home. I put on a mixtape I had made the previous weekend for a friend. Wanted to give a whirl before giving it to him. A mix of different tracks I was digging at the time. A Tribe Called Quest, Beasties, Neil Young, REM, and them. Nirvana. Looking back now, in 1994 I was going through my music puberty. An embarrassing moment of my life with musical uncertainties. Why was I feeling like this? Are these feelings normal? I didn’t know. I just knew I was liking what was going on, but didn’t know exactly why it was going on. Rock, Grunge, Punk were all part of my musical growing up stage. I liked the guitar riffs. The drums. Guns’N’Roses, Cranberries, REM got the most spins. Then there was Nirvana. "Come as you Are" was playing on that mixtape I made when I got a phone call. 
Kurt;s Dead. Damn. 
It seemed everyone I knew was effected by the news. Even my Hip Hop friends liked Nivana. Well, everyone liked Nirvana back in ‘94. We found a group who felt like how we did. While I embraced their dark lyrics, I was also enjoying the fresh sound. It was a new sound. Grunge.
That weekend, I was at a birthday party. As predicted, we were only playing Nivana. Non-stop. It ended up being the most depressing Sweet 16 Birthday party I’ve ever been to. With all the games and music laying on the floor, the party-goers were on the couch, sad-looking, bumping heads to the beat of `…Teen Spirit’. On repeat. 
20 years later, I can’t listen to Nevermind without thinking of that afternoon in my room, holding the phone, swapping Nirvana stories with my friends who were calling me, needing someone to talk to. 
I wasn’t the biggest Kurt Cobain fan. But for some reason, his passing effected me. It was my generation’s first hit of knowing how our parents felt when they heard the news about John or Elvis. It’s a moment I’ll always remember. Flashback to when I hear one of the songs. It was a `where were you when…’ moment.
I would later give that mixtape that was playing that day to a friend of mine. She loved it so much that she played it while she was giving birth to her first born.  She would later thank me for the great music. Especially the Nirvana tracks. I humbly replied,
No, Thank Kurt. 

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

rest well, warrior

 Shocked. Just saw him over the weekend. And for the last time, on Monday. A long time ago, you made me want to believe. Thanks for being part of one of my favourite childhood memories - Wrestlemania 6. Rest Well, Ultimate Warrior. 

Thursday, March 20, 2014

wonder years

I remember a place…a town…a house
like a lot of other houses…
A yard like a lot of other yards…
On a street like a lot of other streets.
And the thing is…After all these years,
I still look back…with WONDER.
Today? Tomorrow? Whatever. We’ll just say Thursday. Thursday  is the Spring Equinox. My favourite season arrives just before 1pm Eastern Standard Time. 
While laying in bed earlier, trying to fall asleep, I was using my nifty Planets App  to do some 2014-style star gazing.
Only if I had this app as a kid. Astronomy was a secret love of mine. Still is.
I used to spend hours looking at the sky at night. Like most kids or teenagers, when everyone else was sleeping, I’d be up, looking out the window. Hurting my neck, trying to get a glimpse of  every single constellation up there. If I didn’t know their names, I would give them a name, jot it down, and remember it for next time.
When I was 16, I was dating a girl who lived a few blocks away from me, We would sneak out on Thursday nights - right after Party of Five and 90210 - and meet at the nearby park. We would lay beside each other, gazing at the stars. I would do a roll call of the constellation names that I made up years earlier. I did it so confidently, Lisa  would believe me. Then, hit me when she found out I was fibbing. 
 I forget the names now, but I do remember that every Thursday, while our chatter might have been the same, Our worries, and fears and hopes and dreams were constant, the sky always had something new to amaze us with.
And while we thought that our worries, fears, hopes, dreams were the biggest things in the universe, as soon as we took sight of that beautiful sky, we realized how small we were. How many other Shane and Lisa’s they were in the world, sneaking out of their homes to star gaze.
I used to tell Lisa our nights staring at the stars was very Kevin-and-Winnie from- the Wonder Years-like. Almost 20 years after, I realize that was an amazing comparison, because those were our Wonder Years. 
I will continue to look at the sky…with Wonder.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

new edge morning show announced

EDGE has a morning show. And they didn't have to look too far.

The new morning trio will consist of station vet Josie Dye, who has fronted the mid-day show for a decade, Edge evening guy, Greg Beharrell and anchor Dominik Diamond. Who? Diamond is a 44-year old Scot import who hosted game shows in the UK back in the 90s. Most recently, Diamond was on Edge sister-station Q107, but left Toronto last year to help launch adult alternative,  Radio 96.5 Halifax. 

Fearless Fred will be returning to his drive show duties with new co-host, Melanie Mariani. 

March 31 is when the changes take place. It'll also be the day when Edge returns to a more music format after canning the talk-oriented morning show back in January. 

Sunday, March 16, 2014

moments of a sunday

Mornings reading the book you’ve been wanting to get through.
The mid-afternoon coffee breaks on the couch. 
Movies. All. Day.
Being a couch potato. 
Long walks in the park. 
Trips to the mall. Just to walk around.
Being late for a date but taking your time getting there. 
Dinner delivered. 
Doing something creative. Offer a hot beverage. 
Listening to your favourite albums. Over and over. Just ‘cause.
Watching Baseball in the comfort of your favourite chair.
The moments of Sunday. Cherish them. Appreciate them. Make them yours. 

Friday, March 14, 2014

talking pink elephants

I’m yawning. My nose is stuffed, my throat has a weird slimy thing going on and my headache has moved from the left side of the dome to the right. I fell asleep just after 7:30, woke up briefly at 8:34, wondering if I had missed Big Bang, tell back asleep and now, I’m awake. It’s 1:45. I have to go downstairs to warm up my tea from 6 hours ago. I have to get something to eat. Maybe pop another pill? I hate cold medication. I hate how as soon as you pop ‘em, your body isn’t yours. It belongs to the demons. The Tylonl or Nyquil terrors. They control your sleeping patterns, your visions, your mind. One day, I’ll let you in on all the dreams I’ve had while high on medication. 
Three Words: Talking Pink Elephants.
This evening, I had no weird dreams. Just a dusting of usual visions. A lot of walking around nude, driving from the back seat, confusion of where I was and yes, the faceless girl showed up, too. The faceless girl. She’s been around for a while. Don’t know her from my waking life, but we’ve had some special moments. Cuddling on a street corner, holding hands in the hospital. Saving her from headless biker dudes. And no, she hasn’t met the talking pink elephants.
They say that if you dream of something that is faceless, you are “unaware of how to read people and their emotions”  It goes on by saying that I’m trying to “understand these people on a deeper level”
I would like to think I’m trying to understand everyone on a deeper level. Maybe these people are special? Maybe I want to understand a certain few especially on a deeper level? Dreams confuse me. That’s why I love them so much. Analysing, understanding them. Knowing why. 
I really don’t want to get up. But I should. I could use something to eat and I can also use a new hot cup of Chai. 
Maybe pop a pill? Talking pink elephants?
Let me finish off here so I can tread downstairs to do my duties before finally falling asleep for the night. I told someone yesterday, which would later be my Facebook status, that instead of saying `why me?’, say `why not me?’ Flip it. Flip it into a realization that even the worst of situations help shape you into the person you are today. Except, learn, progress. Grow. That’s today’s tip. 
Now, off to the kitchen and later, catch up with my talking pink elephant pals.
Sleep well. 

Thursday, March 6, 2014

'fi and the others.

There's not much  to report with the release of the latest Toronto radio ratings. CHFI rules. And then there's the others. With a hefty lead over the rest with a 18.0 point share, CHFI is doing something right. With second place spot going to CBC Radio One at a 10 share, the only other music station that comes close to the top five is cornerstone, CHUM-FM with a trusty 7.5 share. The others are falling behind with less than 500,000 ears tuned in. It's obvious that Q107's 4.5 and NY's 2.8 just proves that the two rock stations in town need some fine tuning. Or for Edge's sake, just some good rebranding.. Format Flip, perhaps? As for the talkers, CHFI sister station, 680 News lead the AM slots with a 7 share while CFRB comes close with 5.2 and 640 at 2.4. The others? They're there.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

hey, comrade.

Haven't posted some any of my listening pleasures lately. Thought I'd hit you up with this nugget from the latest Volcano Choir project. Easily could've been part of the last Bon Iver album, Justin sings beautifully and with soul. This has been on repeat this week, as well as the new Wake Owl album - which I'll talk about later on this week. Till then, nejoy.


Thursday, February 27, 2014

the todd shapiro show

Want to know what's going on with ex-Edge morning cornerstone Todd Shapiro? Dean Blundell's former right hand man has landed a new gig. The Todd Shapiro Show will premier March 3rd  at 9 AM on Sirius XM Canada. He'll be on channel 168 - the spot for uncensored Canadian comedy.

"Todd brings a candid, unique and energetic voice to our airwaves that we're very excited about" shared John Lews, SVP of Programming in the company presser. "He's genuine, incredibly likeable and fun to listen to, something his fans already know. We're confident that will resonate with the new audience - across North America".

To read the full Press Release go Here. 

Saturday, February 22, 2014

don't say anything

Not saying anything. Making words your actions. Making the mysterious underlining reasons, intentions become a long term riddle. Afraid to find out the answer. Answers that you might not like, or might like. Answers that just might get you even more confused. Thinking more. Will it ruin it? Will it progress it? Will it make it better? Most know the answers, but do they tell? 
I won’t be your John Cusack, holding a ghetto blaster over my head, blasting Gabriel, letting you hear what I’m feeling while standing outside of your house on a weekend morning. I’d rather live with those unheard phrases, the unspoken truths. For some reason, those seem to be better than saying something. So don’t say anything. Don’t say anything. Let’s just keep on enjoying each other and wondering what the answer will be.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

happy 6th, blog.

Dear Blog. For a little tot just 6 years old, I have shared with you an earful of big people problems and you've always been there to support me. You've been a comrade, counsellor, confidant. I never thought you'd put up with me for this long. Thank you. Happy Birthday my best bud.

Friday, February 14, 2014

the tale of two loves

I wrote this on my other blog about this pages six year anniversary on Tuesday....Oh yeah, Happy Valentines Day.
I met this girl 6 years ago. February 2008. She instantly became my best friend, my lover and the one i shared everything with. The first year was amazing. She helped me as I helped her. We held each others hands through the good times and the bad times. While we grew together, I was growing as an individual. I got a new full time gig, I moved from Richmond Hill to a new hood 30 minutes north and I was learning more about myself in the process, embracing some hidden creative passions like  photography, and design work. 
Life was good.
But then it came that time. Can’t pin point a certain day. Just a period where she and I weren’t speaking that much. Not that we didn’t like each other, it’s just that life was getting in the way We were growing apart. . 
We stopped seeing each other, but remained best of friends. While the conversation mellowed, once in a while sharing personal stories and never shared before secrets,  we realized we had our own lives.
We were just growing. Not necessarily away from each other, but realizing that we were better off as very good friends.
I found a new love last year. Started off rocky, but we’re working on it. We became closer last fall. Talking almost everyday.
When you get into a relationship, you think that person will be there for life. That is The Person. It’s natural to feel that way. We all do. However, the trick is not to ignore those feelings of being pushed down because you feel that your love is not going along the same path as you are. Even though you might think He or She is The One, you are still first priority. Stay true to yourself. Move on if necessary. Take those memories and pieces of them to find someone new. 
Like how I did. 
Silly, how love is. It can be talked about in many forms. Not only between two people. But between blogs. Much like how I’m doing now.
My official blog  turns Six on Tuesday. She was my first love. While we don’t speak much any more, we remain the best of friends. My new love? You’re looking at her. Between my first love and my current love, these two pages have held my hand through some of my lowest times and  highest times, but always accepted me for me and allowed me to exceed my abilities - never holding me back from exploring new opportunities or umm….relationships.  
Thank you to my First. We’ll be celebrating on Tuesday. Thanks for being there for Six great and not so great years.
I will always love you.

Friday, February 7, 2014

tales of winter 2014

The wintry tales of 2014. 
It’s getting to be a lengthy and interesting read. Underlined with bouts of migraines and really bad insomnia, the cold bite this year has taken all the fun out of these cold months. It’s just become a big bore of wintry mental mayhem sparked by piercing wind chills and mountains of snow.
I haven’t been able to head to work this week. Migraines, sparked by the minus eleven to seventeen temperatures start the head throbbing two hour attacks that makes me just want to curl up in a ball, and listen to Loosing my Religion - even though, I do prefer Nightswimming. 
These are my Wintry Tales of 2014.
Warm beverages, including a  recent obsession for hot apple cider, helps cure the mental creeps of the day and night. Solitude, quiet music, darkness do their part, too. Maintaining a good balance of all of these is needed as too much of anything can make a hibernating man go crazy.
Hibernating? Not really….
I guess hibernating in the sense that I’m not so outoorsy this year. I’m staying in doors. And by in doors I mean local pubs, my house, and restaurants. The biggest spark of migraines happen at home. It makes me hate being at home. Which makes me go out more. Drink more. Spend money more. Eat more. Vices that I could do without. Especially the more drinking. Short term save haven or just an escape from the real problem? I’m scared to face the truth in a way, but at least i know which one it is. 
The short term escape from reality has helped me. It’s become a blissful vice away from the anxieties of winter. Winter 2014. 
These are my tales of Wintry Tales of 2014. With more to come, I’m sure…
Till part Two.

Monday, December 30, 2013

before the big dance

This will be short. I’m tired, my fingers are half frozen half tired and well, WWE Monday Night Raw starts in 20. 
This will most likely be the last entry for we get to the big dance tomorrow night. Before we bring in 2014. Two-Thousand and Fourteen. Can you believe it? 
I’m going to knock out the person who says `See you next year’ in a sarcastic, whimsical way, thinking they’re the one who came up with the one liner, attempting to channel their inner George Burns - While George is actually rolling over on his smokes, somewhere.
Be original. George would have a chuckle at that. 
I’m full. In an attempt to get rid of some of the frozen food that has been in my freezer for a while, I made Chicken Parm spiked with veggies and lemon. You know those dishes that you originally think would be okay, but end up being delish and end up eating the whole creation? This was one of those plates. 
Ok, I’m done. Done for the year. See ya at the Big Dance. It’ll be a good one, Kids. 
Be safe tomorrow.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

train of thought

What a snappy name for an entry seeing that I’m on a train heading back to Toronto. The old thinking cap just after 6am on Boxing Day morning.
The two day turnaround trip was eventful. Tons of drinking, lots of love and Santa cheer. An ideal Christmas with some of the best people around. And I do mean that. Really.
Surrounded by ladies in their staple travel gear. Hoodie, Sweatpants, with their hair pulled back. I find this trend is extra hot. I’ve always said - girls look the best the more relaxed they seem. I’m a sucker of a gal with a hoodie. 
The train is packed, surprisingly for the first trip out the day after Christmas Day. Guessing, a bunch of people are heading back home - just like me. But this early? I shouldn’t talk. Why am I taking such an early train? The others were all booked. And the breakfast is good. And by breakfast, I mean apple juice and a black with double sugar. 
Think I’ll try to get some shut eye. Just wanted to stop by, with some train of thought.

Monday, December 16, 2013

summer smells of 1992 and saturday.

I call them smell memories.

I’m not sure If anyone else gets them, but I get them a lot. It’s when I get a quick, random whiff out of nowhere. The smell is not fitting to where I am at the moment.

It’s a smell from another time, another place. I quickly place where that smell originates from and learn from it. I like to think it’s my subconscience trying to remind me of a better time. Or when I was going through similar emotions.

Sometimes, I can’t place the memory on the spot and it takes me ages to remember. 

Today, while in bed, sick, about to take an afternoon nap, thinking of the weekend that was - a more interesting alternative than counting sheep, A memorable summer afternoon smell breezed by. I placed that smell from the summer of  ’92. It was the smell that summers were made of. The breeze that came into my room when Mom was cleaning.  It was mixed with Pine Sol , and fresh baked goods from the oven and flowers from the front lawn freshly put to rest on the living room table.

But I placed the smell of 1992 with a crush I had that summer. I remembered her. We’re still friends.
As soon as I connected the smell with the memory, I remembered how I felt when I was around her. How I thought of her every day.

Could this be connected to something I’m going through right now? Nah. I’m too old for those feelings. So why now? Why at that very moment when I was thinking of the weekend? When I was thinking of Saturday

My subconscience is trying to tell me something. Maybe it is about Saturday. Maybe it’s about the similar feelings I had then that I had on Saturday

What else? Should I run with it?  Should I pursue Saturday

Saturday. I’ll see you soon, hopefully and when I do, it’ll be more because of us now than what happened in 1992. Memories are fun. Memories are learning tools and make you stronger if you use them correctly, but nothing should or will compare to us now. Today, in the winter of  ’13.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


I am Single. This is not a way to try to pick up girls. Trust me. This is me just saying why I’m single. I’m just busy.
I’m a red blooded, living, breathing, man who loves the finer sex. And I have loved girls for as long as I can remember. And  because of that among other reasons, I like to believe I understand the better half more than most males. But the thing is, I’m busy taking care of myself. 
Working on that foundation that would make me feel more secure in attempting to have a long term relationship with a girl. 
I’m not saying that if someone comes along, I’d pass. I’m saying I’m not out there. I’m not looking. The thought of a relationship is not crossing my mind right now -  which makes girls non-existent. Non-existent in that way. Friendship? Sure. We’ll see how it goes. 
Again, If something ends up happening, I won’t back away and run for the hills. I’d hold her hand and see how far we can walk together. 
I’ve met many girls since I’ve been on this quest of individual building, and not one of them have made me think of them being my girlfriend.
This is how I know I’m serious.
The girls I’ve met have all been good looking, self-confident and funny, but I can’t see them more than that. Just Girls.
Now, if I were to be thinking like a regular male, it’d be a totally different story.
True story, Bro.
While my mind hasn’t been cluttered with thoughts of a crush, it’s been amazing how much brain power I’ve gained to help me build that foundation so I can have better thoughts - of my wife and I buying a house, travelling foreign lands together and raising future writers and world travellers. 
What it all comes down to is that I am a typical male in the sense of wanting to provide for my wife and family.  Afford to give them the experiences and luxuries I was given and still enhance those experiences and luxuries by seventy-percent.And I won’t be able to do that if I’m living in a clouded mind state where I think every random girl is The One.
Remember that detox I’ve been doing?     This is the ultimate one. This is better than staying away from liquor. It’s amazing how much the other sex controls your daily mind power. It’s good to have it back, just preparing to give it all away again - to the right one.
 Here’s some advice. Take time to build yourself. You’d be amazed how much more you can do once you don’t have clouded vision. If you’re in a relationship and it’s not working, step back. Think if this is ultimately what you really want. If this is The Guy. The Girl. If not, break-up. Take some time to find yourself. Concentrate on your career. Building your own foundation. Because, Ultimately, someone will only love you when you fully love yourself.